2.10.2005

Starting Again

Well, here I am again. After about eight monthes of writing on my last blog, I've decided to start anew. Looking back on ramblings/reveries, I have felt many things. My initial feeling used to be happiness. I would read last year's posts with optimism, remembering what seems like life a lifetime ago. But now, I feel different. As I read my posts of a year ago, I become incredibly emotional and nostalgic. I faintly remember a time when drugs, drinking, and the politics of high school were less than a myth. I remember when weekends consisted of being with a couple of my good friends and a night or two at the Angelika Film Center. I remember alot of things about middle school, and the person that I was. And in some ways, I've changed for the better. In the last month alone, I've met Sarah, Naria, and become much better friends with many of the people in my grade. My interest in photography has grown and I've started thinking more seriously about filmmaking. But the last four weeks have also changed me for the worse. My conscience has been overwhelming me for some reason, and I have lost trust in many of my friends. The flux of my confidence, conscience, and emotions leaves me many times exhausted and overwhelmed. I begin to question myself. If I were able to start this last year over, would I do it? I try to decide. I can't decide. I'm getting carried away.

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