You will be here too

Last night I found one of my mom's old photo albums gathering dust in the back of her closet. Starting with a torn black and white picture of her at six monthes old, the album seemed hold her entire life. Her highschool boyfriend, her first car, her college dorm. It felt that each shot had a hidden story behind it, a story of what truely was happening when the shutter clicked, a story that I would never know. As I continued to look through the album, I began to think of what it must feel like to be fifty years old. I began to think of what it is like to look back into the past and realize that the road behind you is longer than the one up ahead. I wonder how it feels to remember your father by only a photograph, only a piece of paper. Many of the pictures have began to fade, as I'm sure the memories have too. Her friends faces seemed to be alive with possibility, alive with something long gone from many of them now. I guess that just happens when you get old. When you realize that maybe, after all, your not really destined for greatness. When idealistic teenage visions of yourself are replaced with adult realism. Even if the pictures take me back to a time and place that I don't fully comprehend. Even if they provide only a second of escape, a frame of a reminder of things now gone, they are invaluable. The smiles on the faces in the photos slowly begin to scream at me: "Don't waste it, don't take it forgranted. One day, you'll be here too. You will be here too."

My mom, aunt, and grandmother. 1955

My aunt and mom. 10.23.1970

My mom and grandmother.1974

My grandmother. 2.27.05


Blogger terracegallery said...

Hi J.,

How very touching. I love to look at old pictures. Unfortunately, I do know what it is like to only remember your Dad from photographs and I am not 50. My Dad died when I was 10. I can tell you what it feels like, lonely. That never goes away, you always miss the ones you love, 10, 20 years later and I am sure 30, 40 and 50 years later.....

6:44 PM  
Blogger alison said...

For a few months I've been plagued by the things you're thinking right now. I know not to take it for granted but it's super hard to break away from the fear of it all. Three cheers for teen angst.

6:52 PM  
Anonymous Alan RW said...

J, you speak and write with the knowledge and perception of someone far beyond your years. Continue to write and take pictures, you have a very special gift.

8:37 PM  
Blogger Frank said...

Ain't that the freakin' truth...I don't know what you're better at, writing, or your photography, but please, for the rest of us out here, keep doing both.
You know, I haven't read a book in several years, ( IT by Stephen King.."Outstanding!" ), but reading your last blog entry makes me want to run to the nearest Barnes and Noble,buy a huge stack of various books, shut myself in a quiet room, and read, read, read. Thanks!!!
P.S. when you get a chance, take a look at my latest blog entry, I think it'll make you laugh. :O)

9:26 PM  
Anonymous matt said...

the best thing i've read in a long time. i guess your fanbase has gained another member.

10:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wonderfully insightful

2:47 PM  
Blogger Dan said...

i love you so much

7:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hmm interesting aladdin

4:39 PM  

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